The loss of self-confidence bug will affect everyone at some point in their lives. You can be hit with it out of the blue – sometimes even after confident periods in your life. There’s no set reason why this is so. Life happens and a series of let-downs, or a group of unfortunate events can bring it on. Perhaps after trying for years at something which refuses to come together we may realise the hard way that there are more ways than one to build self confidence. This realisation can hit us for six.

At other times, it’s difficult not to feel like the world is conspiring against you – even when you know this can’t possibly be true. Isn’t it amazing how bad things happen – in a series of events – when you’re already at your lowest?

Loss of self-confidence

how to build confidence 300x289

you sometimes lose the things you've managed to hold onto for a long time

 

My story: bad news

I was really ill last week. Some of you may have noticed my absence on the web. Coupled with this, we were going through a stressful week due to stuff going on with the kids’ health etc. The weather in August has been dire, however on the day we had a promise of some sunshine, I went outside into the garden to get some fresh air into my lungs.

I was weak on my feet so slipped over a small branch on the ground. My shoes fell off my foot as I slipped. My foot could land nowhere else but on a holly branch (naturally), which stopped my fall. A massive holly thorn pierced through my sock and into my heel. The weight of my body caused the thorn to break, leaving the top part of it embedded deep into my foot.

Luckily my husband was home (and so were my kids, who’re still home on school summer holidays). My oldest daughter and husband worked with a couple of needles, nail clippers (to remove the skin they had to cut off to enable them to see the splinter), and even some frozen peas (to numb the spot). The sharp thorn kept breaking into bits, and because it was so deep into my heel, refused to come out entirely. Finally, after much screaming and squeezing (of my daughter’s hands) I couldn’t take it any more. I begged them to leave the splinter in. I wasn’t in the the frame of mind to endure that kind of torture – even though I have a high threshold of pain.

Hopeful news

I’d read somewhere that Duct Tape was good for teasing out verrucas. Thankfully, I’ve (strangely) never had a verruca – so I didn’t know if this was true or not. It was said in the article that if you put a piece of Duct Tape on a verruca and left it on for a couple of weeks, the tape draws out the virus. Of course, you have to change the tape each time it falls off or gets old etc.  I thought I’d try some Duct Tape on my splinter. This was totally blind faith. I’d used Duct Tape for some strange things before but:

Didn’t know if it worked for verrucas

Realised that even if it did, it may not work for holly thorns

I still wanted to give it a try. So I rubbed a bit of Vaseline on the now throbbing, needle-ripped wound, and placed a large piece of Duct Tape over it. Why the Vaseline? I don’t really know. I use Vaseline for most random things I don’t have any other answer for.

Good news!

One and a half days later, I pulled the Duct Tape off and found that the once deeply-buried splinter was lying on the entrance of the wound. Yes, it was there, splendiferous in its sharp, blackness – right at the top, ready for me to just remove.

Loss of Self-Confidence when the world is conspiring against you:

Several things can make you lose your confidence:

You’ve had a terrible start in life (because of my illness I felt I could do nothing right).

You didn’t inherit any wealth. Your upbringing was less than perfect. (I had no energy – no spring board to work from).

You’ve heard that everyone has their own talents. You know you must have them somewhere but haven’t found yours yet. (Each time I felt like I should be getting better, I felt worse instead).

You have no one in your life who encourages you and tells you you’re great. Yes, the world is conspiring against you and self-confidence is hard to build at a time when everything in your life seems really low. You may not be physically as ill as I was, but your whole life seems like an illness.  (Illness, slip of shoes, foot landing on holly branch, thorn breaking – it all adds up).

Hopeful news when loss of self-confidence hits

You’ve heard that it’s possible for everyone to build self confidence. You read blogs like How to Build Confidence and have seen some of the really positive things a high level of confidence can bring you.

Great news in building confidence:

1. Sometimes giving up is good. If you’re fighting too hard, something’s got to give. Don’t give up on yourself and your confidence. Give up on the stress of running around and going nowhere. Do an about turn. Stop.  Put some ‘tape’ on and try again later. Maybe you’re not meant to have that – just yet.

2. If something has worked for someone else you may think it won’t work for you because you’re stronger, weaker, different, older, younger etc. But what if it would? Try it.

3. When loss of self-confidence hits, don’t wait to have all the answers before you start re-building your confidence. Duct Tape was supposed to work for verruca, but it worked for holly splinters as well. Take the first step. You don’t need to have the whole thing planned out.

4. Take a chance! Remember the things you did when you were younger? How spontaneous you were and how rewarded you were for it? What happened to that you? Where did he/she go? So you don’t know that it will work. You don’t know that you can overcome that hardship in your life by doing (insert your individual goal). But if you never tried it, you’ll never find out.

5. Always remember – if you forget everything else from this illustration – life never gives you all the tools for the job because you already possess half of them. You may not know that you do – but you do! So when all you have is a tray of lemons, you know what to do, don’t you? You just cut them in half – and squeeze for all you’re worth.

If you liked or benefited from ‘Loss of Self-Confidence’ please share it with someone or on your favourite social networking sites. Also, please share your thoughts in about loss of self-confidence and the best ways to deal with it in the comment box below. Thank you.

 

9 Responses to “Loss of Self-Confidence”

  1. Hope you are feeling better now Anne!

    I remember the time I underwent a similar case when my kids were rather young, and the pain is simply awful! I’m glad that my husband was home to take care for them, and that was the time he picked up cooking too. So, I always do see the positives, even in the negatives. :)

    Oh yes…life is strange and gives us so many reasons to loose our self-confidence, especially even when you know you have done something worthwhile that isn’t appreciated. I think the key lies in not letting those down times get to you and to rise up again and fight the odds and build up your self-confidence – isn’t it?

    Thanks for sharing and hope you get well soon. :)
    Harleena Singh recently posted..Are You a Love TeacherMy Profile

  2. Dennis Do says:

    Hi Anne, glad to hear that you are fully recovered. :)

    On a side note, this article is such deja vu to me. I do have something to share about losing my own self confidence, and I have to say that this is one of the worst feeling to have, for anyone trying to succeed or become an entrepreneur.

    I just don’t know why I’m losing my own self confidence. I honestly think it’s one of those 7 Wonders of Life that can’t be explained. I will have to agree that it’s very important that you never give up on yourself and to hold onto self confidence as much as possible. So I really want to further expand this ‘rule’ just because I can relate.

    Everyone fails, period. I have failed, and I am STILL failing. The problem is that most individual fail and QUIT. I think one of the most inspirational thing I’ve heard someone say to me is that “You will fail, but you can’t fail forever” (that is if you don’t quit).

    Okay, so how do I relate to this? Well, I feel as if no one believes in the work that I do. I feel as if the world doesn’t care or even know that I exist. For all I know, I could be dead tomorrow and no one would know. What exactly keeps me on the verge of the tip of not jumping off? (aka quitting)

    It’s that if I quit, I fail forever. I know AND understand that I’m given a choice. Some people just don’t understand that having a choice is powerful. Does it suck if your self confidence is lacking? Sure does. But nothing sucks more when you officially announce to yourself that you can’t do it. Quite frankly, I rather not give up until it kills me.
    Dennis Do recently posted..This is Why You Need to BlogMy Profile

  3. Wow Anne, as I was reading your story I felt myself cringing! I’m so glad the duct tape worked – who doesn’t love duct tape?!

    Since we both love quotes, you might like one of my favorites that relates to self-confidence.

    Don’t be afraid to go where you’ve never gone, to do what you’ve never done, to have what you’ve never had or to be who you’ve never been. When everyone else gives up, you don’t. When everyone says you’re crazy that you should just let it go, you can’t. Never underestimate the power inside you – it can create strength in you that even you never knew was there. In the face of ridicule, exhaustion, pain and aloneness, you still only see that dream. ~Author Unknown
    marquita herald recently posted..When You Need Something to Believe In, Start With Your SelfMy Profile

  4. Hiten says:

    Hi Anne,

    I’m really sorry to hear about your recent illness and then your fall. I’m glad to hear you were able to remove the splinter and hope you have recovered now.

    I could really appreciate the points about building confidence and number 1 in particular resonated with me. I believe that it is an act of confidence (as opposed to weakness) when we have the maturity to sometimes stop, take a break and then try again, perhaps using another approach. It makes no sense continuing crazily and then being hard on ourselves when our current approach isn’t working.
    Hiten recently posted..Getting ourselves out of our wayMy Profile

    • Anne says:

      Thanks, Hiten.
      Yes, you’re absolutely right. Confidence can help us see when we’re flogging a dead horse. It’s never weakness to stop and turn around and start again. Sometimes life dictates that we do just that.

      Thanks for stopping by.

  5. wapspro says:

    Health is so important to keep our self confidence level…I always encourage people to involve into more fitness activities to maintain good health…
    wapspro recently posted..Healthy scalp great hair! Remove dandruff nowMy Profile

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