Do you think like a loser?
What’s your answer to these questions: Are you a finished product? Is your mind a space that’s already been developed – fully matured? Do you feel like you were born with a certain amount of talent – a talent that’s completely established? If you’ve answered yes to any of the above questions you think like a loser.
Is there hope? There always is! At this particular point in time you may be suffering from a stagnant mindset – a mindset that infected you some time in your past, which tells you that everyone else is better than you because they’ve got (fill in the blank). It’s this loser-mindset that keeps you stuck in a low self-confidence mode, rather than your abilities.
You berate yourself constantly with phrases that you wouldn’t say to your friends if they had the same issues you do. You may be thinking, ‘Hey, look at her. She’s so much better than me. How does she make friends so easily? Why can’t I do that. I’m such a wimp.’
Yet, if your friend said that to you about himself, you would encourage him by saying, ‘Sure, there are things some people can do better than others to start with, but with practice, I’m sure you can be just as good at making friends as she is. I’m positive you can learn the art. Don’t be so hard on yourself.’
You believe your friend can develop skills, but you think your abilities are set in stone. Could this be the reason you feel stuck – lost in a stagnant place?
So how does a person who thinks like a loser build confidence to grow and improve their life?
Break the thought pattern that keeps you stuck in loser-mode
We all have negative thoughts. There is no one I know who’s always thought positively about their abilities and their potential to grow. Don’t just dismiss negative thoughts. This makes them fester and scarier, and sometimes give them more power to grow layers of mould over you.
Remember the ‘monster’ in the closet you imagined as a child? The closet door remained shut, so you could never ‘see’ your monster. This made it more frightening because at least, if you could see what it was made of, you’d know what tools you needed to fight (and eliminate) it. When you have a negative thought about your ability to grow (I can’t do this well, I will never learn how to do that as well as he does, she’s so much better than me), challenge it! In other words, open the closet door.
Take a few seconds and work out WHY your confidence is not where you want it to be right now. Instantly challenge the thought and list things you CAN do to get better at your chosen task. Better yet, list some steps you have already taken to get to where you are now. The more you challenge your negative thoughts about your ability to grow (and other areas), the smaller your fear of growth will become.
Forget about making up positive thoughts. This does not get rid of negative thoughts. They’re always there nagging in the background in spite of the hundreds of positive thoughts you layer on top of them. Get in there and rip them out bit by bit by ‘putting them down’ the way they have kept you down. But remember to be gentle with yourself.
Be clear about other people’s worth and how this affects you
We may all feel less worthy than someone else. Other people’s abilities may shine brighter than ours, and if we think like losers, we may feel that bright sparks put out our lights. But do they really? It takes more than one light to brighten up a room. In many cases we need up-lighters, wall-lights and table lamps to illuminate a dark space.
You may not be the centrepiece of lights, but without your lamp-light it would be impossible to do any desk-work. Low self confidence will – without a doubt – make you doubt your worth as soon as someone else shows theirs.
Many people have exactly the same talents, but experience, personality and life’s journey all influence us to use them differently. Degas, Monet and Manet are all French and they are all impressionist painters. Yet, they don’t necessarily share fans. People see their work differently because these painters used their talents differently. If there were a survey to find which of these three artists was best, there would be votes stacking up on all sides.
None is better than the other. They are different because they work differently. Someone else may work hard to paint like Monet (for example) and he or she may succeed. However, until this person begins to paint in a way that expresses his or her personal skill, he or she will never be true to themselves. They may garner Monet’s fans, but none of their own.
In short, you don’t have a fixed amount of natural confidence or talent. The person you think is better than you may be working harder than you. With work, your talent will never be a better version of theirs. It can only be a better version of you and yours.
Why your mindset is everything if you think like a loser
You’re not a finished product. If you think that your personality and character barrels were measured out to you when you were born, you believe a lie. If talent, personality and confidence were fixed, people who experience trauma would never be able to rebuild a life. People who lose limbs would never be able to train and even compete in sports – in some cases. Mandela would’ve never been able to leave prison after 26 years and become the President of his country. Dyslexic people would never be able to read, and sports people would never come back to win medals after injuries and defeats.
Everything can be learned. The person who trains hardest and practices longest will be the best. Of course, the taller of two footballers will be able to direct the header better into the goal. However, the shorter guy may be so fast, the taller player can’t get to the ball to take the goal.
A student with a better propensity for Maths may not have to study very hard to get an A on his Maths’ exam. However, if the girl with the C score is willing to study every night and work on all the past exam papers she could find, she can score an A as well.
Sports men who get to the top are a dime a dozen, but those who stay on top have to work at getting better. Their so-called natural ‘talent’ will only take them so far. Usain Bolt trains at a gym every day and eats healthily. He’s suffered with scoliosis (curvature of the spine) since childhood and has to put his all into daily training to balance out this weakness. In his own words, he ‘backed down a few days in my back work and core training’ and came second in the 100-metre and 200-metre 2012 Jamaican Olympic trails.
Bolt doesn’t see himself as a finished product. Neither should you. Use your weaknesses as stepping stones to help you climb higher (the article linked shows you how negativity can be good for you with the proper mindset). Let your mindset be one of growth and development. Allow yourself to live, not just exist in the state you’re in right now. This (now) is not the best you. Have the passion and believe that you have the potential to not just knock on doors, but to push them open.
So, do you think like a loser? Don’t worry about it because – as we’ve demonstrated – this is not a fixed state. No ‘you’ is a complete ‘you’ unless you want it to be. Thankfully, there’s always something you can do to get out of a loser-mindset.
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