If you’re like my son, you don’t like school. However, one school we all have to attend is the school of life, and learn life lessons from living in this world. There’s no dropping out, no playing truant, no ‘pulling sickies’. The school of life teaches us many things – one of the major lessons we learn is how to build confidence to make use of the things we’re taught there. Each day, each lesson takes us closer to building and boosting our confidence levels. I’m going to take a wild guess and assume you’re already enrolled in a school of life. I’m going to also guess that when you ticked the ‘terms and conditions’ box to finalise your tuition you didn’t actually read the entire document. Therefore, I’m just going to reiterate some of the major points you may have forgotten over your years of constant attendance.
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Who determines your confidence? Who decides if you have self-confidence and what the level of it is? Who’s in charge of how you feel about yourself, how confidently you live your life or how able you are to achieve your goals? Is it you or others? If you’ve been allowing others to say things or do things to yo-yo your confidence you need to stop and read this story!
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Are you caught in a self-doubt trap? Are you sitting in your chair right now watching you life spiral out of your control?
The story is told of how trappers cruelly caught monkeys in the forest. They would put a piece of fruit in a small-mouthed jar and tie it to a tree. It was just a simple thing really. Just get a clear jar with a small enough opening for the monkey to be able to fit his paw in. Cut a piece of fruit – any fruit monkeys are known to eat, place it into the jar and tie the jar to a tree. The trappers would then leave the jar in the forest overnight.
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The words ‘self-confidence’ and ‘negativity’ should probably never be used together, especially if you’re using the latter to build the former. We’ve dealt with articles (here on How To Build Confidence) about letting go of your past and saw that the choice of whether your past will break or make you lies solely with you (click on link to read the article). What then, does negativity have to do with self-confidence? Doesn’t negativity break down self-confidence? Doesn’t it make people feel bad about themselves and trigger self-doubt and lack-of motivation? How in the world can negativity help build your self-confidence?
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Body confidence is something anyone can build, regardless of their body’s shape, size or weight. We all know short people, big people, tall people, skinny people, disabled people etc., who’re equally confident about their bodies. We also know another group of the aforementioned list who’re lacking in body confidence.
But what is it that makes one person less or more body confident than the other person? It’s certainly not their body shape or size, or there would never be successful people who’re unattractive, right? Right! It must be something else then. Regardless of what you think of your body there has to be (at least) one great thing about it – your legs, your hair, your voice, your dimples… the list is enormous. Look at the picture below. I took this picture of a tiny, white water lily at the very end of its growing season. The lily itself was not a great – it was one of the puniest I’ve ever seen. However, taken against the background of the shabby, unimpressive leaves, the lily seems a perfect specimen!
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You know the difference between dunno and donut, right? Sure, you do! You know what a dunno is. You’ve had it loads of times! And you also know what a d0nut is. (We spell it ‘doughnut’. However, I’m using the US version in my post title because it’s shorter for my url). A doughnut is a hole in the middle with sweet-stuff round the edges. A dunno is a hole in the middle with no-stuff around it.
My 11-year old daughter asked me yesterday what I wanted for Christmas. I said, ‘Dunno’.
‘A doughnut!’ she said. ‘Why do you want a doughnut?’
‘No,’ I replied. ‘Not a doughnut. I don’t know‘
‘Well, if you don’t know,’ she said, ‘You won’t get anything. At least a doughnut is something.’
Out of the mouths of babes….
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Have you lost your confidence to take risks? In every aspect of your life, there will people who get things you’re ‘supposed’ to have. Yet they don’t seem to have more talent than you do. Believe me, I work in the filming industry and see examples of this on a weekly basis. You work hard and spend a lot of time nurturing your dream – then someone else pops up, says the ‘right’ words and viola! They’ve got what should belong to you.
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