‘How to get confidence’ is a guest post by Dennis Do
“That’s One Small Step For a Man”
Neil Armstrong is the fearless man who quoted this headline. He was the first man to travel out of space. This is an action that seems unreal and imaginary for some of us. So what if I told you to suit up, and travel to the moon tomorrow? Would you be able to take that ‘one giant leap for mankind’?
Unfortunately, many people are given advice that are too general. Growing up, I was never talkative or outgoing. I had problems when it came to socializing with others. I was sick of who I was, and just wanted to become the opposite of me. I wanted good friends, people who thought that I was charismatic, and just a friendly person all-round. But the most general tip people gave me was: “Just talk to people” or “Be more confident then!”
The advice was right on the money. Surely, it would change me into who I’d love to become. The problem isn’t that it was wrong, but that was just too general. That’s just like me telling you to go to outer space without any prior training—which by the way starts tomorrow at 6 AM. Get suited up!
If you’re looking for any kind of change in your life, whether it’ be waking up earlier, talking to people, doing some kind of hobby, or even going to the moon, you need to smart small.
One of the biggest obstacles I’ve overcome is talking to people. Not just any ‘people’, though – the feminine kind. Oh right, the technical term for them is ‘girls’.
The problem is that even the thought scared me. Sadly, this fear got the best of me. I didn’t have the confidence to just go up and talk to girls. So how did I eventually get over this fear? Here’s what most people don’t tell you.
The first step to confidence: start small – ridiculously small. You want to start so small that you’d have to purposely try failing in order to actually fail.
So when I had trouble socializing with the opposite sex, I would talk to anyone I was comfortable with: my mom, brother, friends, my dog, or my neighbor’s dog. I had to start out with where I was fully confident.
The second step to confidence: go just a little bit out of your comfort zone.
I started saying a simple ‘Hi’ to people I walked past – male or female. The point of this is to get comfortable with where you are, and slowly but surely, make very small self-improvements.
The third step to confidence: tip your foot into the water.
I remember telling myself to say three words: “How are you”. This was still a very easy process and as time passed it encouraged me to go further and further.
Eventually this process changed me to become more social and more confident in general. It even stopped me from sweating bullets at the thought of interacting with girls!
Everyone’s afraid of something. When you dive head in, you’re likely to be scared at even the thought of it.
So, do you want to travel out of space, but are too scared of height, motion sickness, or any other uncomfortable aspect of the journey? Turn your head left. Now turn it right. Good, now do it again, but faster. Congratulations, you’re now on the first step of dealing with motion sickness.
Scared of height? Stand your chair and jump off. Good, now stand on your table and jump off. Congratulations, you’re now on the first step of dealing with your fear of heights!
It’s simplicity itself, but these little things turn our fear of doing something into more manageable steps. The most important thing is that you get started doing something because all great journeys have to start with a single footstep. What step are you taking today to get confidence?
Other recommended reads on this site:
Body confidence and how to get it
Dennis Do is the founder of Self Exceed.com. He talks about anything relating to self improvement which come from his personal experiences. His advice tends to lean on the humorous side. He can also be found on his YouTube channel and various social media sites.
Dennis, thank you for this great advice. Self esteem research shows us that both esteeming ourselves highly plus gaining confidence in our competence are key elements to overall confidence. Starting small may also requiring researching and/or hiring a coach to help us know what that next small step is. Then we need to do it.
Steve Borgman recently posted..Personal Development Activities For Those Who Want to Change
Hi Steve.
That’s a great point that I forgot to mention in this article.
If I may add, by taking small step (completions), we will become more assured of ourselves because those small completions tend to give us motivation and confidence to continue on.
I remember as a child I used to panic at the thought of going near water. Swimming was a complete no no. I remember my parents trying hard to get me to a swimming class with no success. Then as I grew , i wanted to get this fear off me. Used to be quite embarrassed, when going out with friends and telling I am scared to even get to a kids pool 🙂 The way I got the fear out was getting to a poll where I had water till my chest and then trying to take a dip and stay under water for a few mins. Had to keep doing this for a long time after which the fear of water started vanishing. So I agree with you on : “It’s simplicity itself, but these little things turn our fear of doing something into more manageable steps. The most important thing is that you get started doing something because all great journeys have to start with a single footstep. “