We all could have bitterness in our lives. Some people choose to hold onto it, others elect to let go. What’s the difference between these two groups of people? Why has one group decided that memories of long gone bad experiences are better left in the past, and the other group still hangs onto the misery poisoning their lives?
The answer to this may well be confidence. The first group has shaken off the barriers holding them from achieving and advancing in their lives. They’ve realised that holding onto bitterness is letting go of personal success. It takes a lot of strength to do this because it leaves you bare – with no ‘wrongdoer’ in your past who you could blame for failure. The second group is scared. Letting go means giving up the excuse which holds you back from achieving your goals. If you keep failing, at least you’ll have your bitterness to keep you going. At the end of the day, you have your ‘wrongdoer’ in your past to blame for what’s going wrong in your life. They were bad to you. They wanted to see you fail, so to pay them back, you gave them their wish.
only you can allow your bitterness to flow away
In order to let go of bitterness you have to work out where it’s coming from – how and where you picked it up. Whatever happened to you in your past – good or bad – made you who you are today. If you had to go back into your past and get rid of wrongdoings done to you, people who teased you, hated you, did you wrong, you’ll come out at this end of your life a different person. Who knows what that person would be like. The wrongs you were made to suffer are the very things that made you as sensitive and as empathic as you are today. You don’t want to give this up at all. This is one of the better aspects of your personality.
So, think about where your bitterness started. Go back and see how you picked it up. This is how you’ll prepare for the next step of letting go of the bitterness that overshadows your life.
Now you’ve worked out where your bitterness comes from. All through the years you’ve chosen to allow bitterness to be the fuel which propels your life. Bitterness is the food that keeps you going, you wake up with it and go to sleep with it tucked up safely under your heart. You may live a long life – a lot of bitter people do. You may have some of them in your life this very moment. This bitterness will always be a part of you. The wrongdoer in your past has won a victory. They’ve made you into themselves and the very thing you hated about them is the very thing you’ve become. Perhaps this is why they targeted you in the first place. They noticed the innocence and light in you and in jealousy, wished to destroy it. And with your willingness (your choice to allow their actions to affect you negatively) they now have.
Is holding onto your bitterness now worth hurting and losing the people you most love. Is it worth living in misery – not being able to see the good and positive around you? You decide.
Having confidence to let go of bitterness becomes easy when you think about the next step you have to take. When others think about you or describe you what do they think of first? When your kids/grand kids/colleagues/spouse reminisce about you while they’re away do they think, ‘bitter’?
What’s the legacy you want to leave where your memory and essence are concerned? This life you’ve lived of bitterness and poison, is this what you want to leave to the people in your life? Do you want them to follow in your footsteps? And if some of you rubs off on them, is it poisonous or beneficial?
Now you have your own answers, you know what you need to do. This blog has a lot of material about confidence and life change. Read and digest and make your life come together in the way you’ve always wanted – minus the bitter baggage you’ve dragged behind you all your life. It’s time to give into the goodness all around you, which you haven’t yet noticed.
This is a guest post by Morganne Leigh who writes on How To Build Confidence for payday loans
Anne: When I leave this earth I want people to have good things to say about me and remember me in a good light. If I am bitter then no one will want to have anything to do with me because bitterness is contagious. I am a pretty happy person now, but I had my share of days where I was a bitter person, but I focused on improving my situation and not blaming others for my problems.
William Veasley recently posted..The Pursuit of Happiness
I’ve been there too, William. Thank you so much for sharing this personal story with us. Like you, I’ve learned that bitterness will poison me and my life and no one else. Bitterness will drive the people I most love away from me. Thanks for your input.
Anne recently posted..Smart Ways To Declutter Your Home
I love this message Anne. I remember a ‘gathering’ I attended a few years ago (at the suggestion of my husband’s therapist) of people who were adult children of alcoholics. I was stunned and greatly saddened by the bitterness and hatred that filled that room. Yes, I’d ‘been there, done that’ myself but I chose to let go of all that many years ago. My parents did the best they could under the circumstances. I may not have had the ability to control the circumstances of my life as a child, but I do as an adult and I refuse to waste it lugging around old baggage.
Exactly what I say, Marty. I couldn’t control what happened then, but I have control over now. Old baggage is just that, old, worthless and does nothing for you or your loved ones.
I try to stay away from bitter people. I’ve had enough of them in my life.
Thanks for stopping by, Marty.
Anne recently posted..Smart Ways To Declutter Your Home
gosh, i pray my essence is never bitter.
lea recently posted..do you ever feel like a prune?
Wonderful post my friend – I often like to say bitter or better?
I chose better of course and in order to get better I believe in my humble opinion that we need to learn to forigve….
Forgiveness is the essence of self love and self love grows from the freedom of forgiveness.
In love and light,
Nancy
Definitely, Nancy. I think we need to forgive – not only others, but ourselves as well. I know some people who can forgive everyone else but themselves.
As you said, it’s the essence of self-love and if WE can’t love ourselves, how can we expect others to?
Thanks for your input.
Anne recently posted..Smart Ways To Declutter Your Home
I like Nancy’s bitter or better question–so simple! Great post. I have seen bitterness eat away at someone’s later years, a time which should be spent enjoying life and healing old hurts. I can’t think of anything good that comes from bitterness. Just as you said above, we need to forgive everyone, including ourselves.
Galen Pearl recently posted..Quotes of Joy
Welcome, Galen. I’ve also seen (and been at the mercy) of someone’s bitterness in their old age. It destroys the bearer, and affects the lives of those around them – and not for the better. Yes, bitter or better. I choose better!
Anne recently posted..10 Things To Do Once A Year
My first reaction to this post Anne is “there for the grace of God go I” because I haven’t experienced bitterness.
I have met many bitter people, but sometimes I think they use it as an excuse for their own negative behavior. To me, bitterness is an energy of holding on to something in the past.
Forgiveness is the key here. Guess I go by the old saying of “I can forgive, but cannot forget” In other words, if someone encounters me with destructive behavior, I can forgive them, but not forget that this person can be dangerous.
I am a survivor of abuse in my last marriage. After 25 years of working hard at it, I keep in contact and share holidays with my ex because of our child. I did forgive him, but won’t forget because of his anger personality. And of course he is the poster boy of bitterness.
Awesome post and interesting concept Anne.
Donna
Donna Merrill recently posted..Stop Horsing Around On The Internet
Donna, thanks for sharing a part of your story here. I do understand what you mean about forgiving the person and letting go, while keeping your common sense intact – knowing they’re dangerous to be around.
This is probably the attitude I’d adapt around people who constantly do the same mean/sly/sinful things. I’ve had my share of bitter people. Now I’m able, I stay away from them. I don’t want to be poisoned by them again.
Anne recently posted..Smart Ways To Declutter Your Home
Smiling is catching. If you don’t believe me, smile at a few individuals over the next few time. Don’t grin like a fanatic (that just places other individuals off), just allow yourself to smile normally. You’ll be pleased how many individuals will smile returning. Which, in convert, creates them seem user friendly and more friendly, which will help with your self esteem stages.
Smiling IS catching, Joanna. I do try it all the time. It works like a charm. Thanks for visiting.
Great question here Anne, “Is holding onto bitterness worth the down side.” I love the way you bring it out in the open and challenge a true inspection of the heart.
Stay Strong and Be Inspired.
Geoff Reese recently posted..The Shocking Truth About Disappointment: People Who Believe In God Are Happier
Hi Geoff. Thank you. Sometimes holding onto bitterness or hate can seem empowering. It can give you the false impression you’re more powerful than the person at which it’s directed because it holds you at arms length from them.
These kinds of emotions only rub you down. They harm you and change you (as I explained in the article).
Thanks for dropping by and for your kind comment.
Anne recently posted..How To Drill Holes
Dear Anne, I sure hope that the people around me don’t think that I’m bitter, even though sometimes it is hard to forgive someone that has hurt you. so I think forgiveness as well as confidence are both important aspects of this bitterness issue.
Mariella Lombardi recently posted..I Am Dying For A Brownie – Can I Have Sugar When Trying to Lose Weight?
Well said, Mariella. Thanks for leaving your comment.
Glad i saw this post today
you tackled a very important topic Morganne
i believe we the have choice to get over our pain once we become conscious of it. thanks
farouk recently posted..3 lessons about success from the founder of twitter
I completely agree with Mariella , it becomes really hard at times to forget and forgive people who hurt you. Well I think I am quite successful as far as it is about overcoming my bitterness.
Shiwangi peswani recently posted..Facebook Scam – Help Me To Spread This Warning