Do you think like a loser?
What’s your answer to these questions: Are you a finished product? Is your mind a space that’s already been developed – fully matured? Do you feel like you were born with a certain amount of talent – a talent that’s completely established? If you’ve answered yes to any of the above questions you think like a loser.
Is there hope? There always is! At this particular point in time you may be suffering from a stagnant mindset – a mindset that infected you some time in your past, which tells you that everyone else is better than you because they’ve got (fill in the blank). It’s this loser-mindset that keeps you stuck in a low self-confidence mode, rather than your abilities.
You berate yourself constantly with phrases that you wouldn’t say to your friends if they had the same issues you do. You may be thinking, ‘Hey, look at her. She’s so much better than me. How does she make friends so easily? Why can’t I do that. I’m such a wimp.’
Yet, if your friend said that to you about himself, you would encourage him by saying, ‘Sure, there are things some people can do better than others to start with, but with practice, I’m sure you can be just as good at making friends as she is. I’m positive you can learn the art. Don’t be so hard on yourself.’
You believe your friend can develop skills, but you think your abilities are set in stone. Could this be the reason you feel stuck – lost in a stagnant place?
So how does a person who thinks like a loser build confidence to grow and improve their life?
We all have negative thoughts. There is no one I know who’s always thought positively about their abilities and their potential to grow. Don’t just dismiss negative thoughts. This makes them fester and scarier, and sometimes give them more power to grow layers of mould over you.
Remember the ‘monster’ in the closet you imagined as a child? The closet door remained shut, so you could never ‘see’ your monster. This made it more frightening because at least, if you could see what it was made of, you’d know what tools you needed to fight (and eliminate) it. When you have a negative thought about your ability to grow (I can’t do this well, I will never learn how to do that as well as he does, she’s so much better than me), challenge it! In other words, open the closet door.
Take a few seconds and work out WHY your confidence is not where you want it to be right now. Instantly challenge the thought and list things you CAN do to get better at your chosen task. Better yet, list some steps you have already taken to get to where you are now. The more you challenge your negative thoughts about your ability to grow (and other areas), the smaller your fear of growth will become.
Forget about making up positive thoughts. This does not get rid of negative thoughts. They’re always there nagging in the background in spite of the hundreds of positive thoughts you layer on top of them. Get in there and rip them out bit by bit by ‘putting them down’ the way they have kept you down. But remember to be gentle with yourself.
We may all feel less worthy than someone else. Other people’s abilities may shine brighter than ours, and if we think like losers, we may feel that bright sparks put out our lights. But do they really? It takes more than one light to brighten up a room. In many cases we need up-lighters, wall-lights and table lamps to illuminate a dark space.
You may not be the centrepiece of lights, but without your lamp-light it would be impossible to do any desk-work. Low self confidence will – without a doubt – make you doubt your worth as soon as someone else shows theirs.
Many people have exactly the same talents, but experience, personality and life’s journey all influence us to use them differently. Degas, Monet and Manet are all French and they are all impressionist painters. Yet, they don’t necessarily share fans. People see their work differently because these painters used their talents differently. If there were a survey to find which of these three artists was best, there would be votes stacking up on all sides.
None is better than the other. They are different because they work differently. Someone else may work hard to paint like Monet (for example) and he or she may succeed. However, until this person begins to paint in a way that expresses his or her personal skill, he or she will never be true to themselves. They may garner Monet’s fans, but none of their own.
In short, you don’t have a fixed amount of natural confidence or talent. The person you think is better than you may be working harder than you. With work, your talent will never be a better version of theirs. It can only be a better version of you and yours.
You’re not a finished product. If you think that your personality and character barrels were measured out to you when you were born, you believe a lie. If talent, personality and confidence were fixed, people who experience trauma would never be able to rebuild a life. People who lose limbs would never be able to train and even compete in sports – in some cases. Mandela would’ve never been able to leave prison after 26 years and become the President of his country. Dyslexic people would never be able to read, and sports people would never come back to win medals after injuries and defeats.
Everything can be learned. The person who trains hardest and practices longest will be the best. Of course, the taller of two footballers will be able to direct the header better into the goal. However, the shorter guy may be so fast, the taller player can’t get to the ball to take the goal.
A student with a better propensity for Maths may not have to study very hard to get an A on his Maths’ exam. However, if the girl with the C score is willing to study every night and work on all the past exam papers she could find, she can score an A as well.
Sports men who get to the top are a dime a dozen, but those who stay on top have to work at getting better. Their so-called natural ‘talent’ will only take them so far. Usain Bolt trains at a gym every day and eats healthily. He’s suffered with scoliosis (curvature of the spine) since childhood and has to put his all into daily training to balance out this weakness. In his own words, he ‘backed down a few days in my back work and core training’ and came second in the 100-metre and 200-metre 2012 Jamaican Olympic trails.
Bolt doesn’t see himself as a finished product. Neither should you. Use your weaknesses as stepping stones to help you climb higher (the article linked shows you how negativity can be good for you with the proper mindset). Let your mindset be one of growth and development. Allow yourself to live, not just exist in the state you’re in right now. This (now) is not the best you. Have the passion and believe that you have the potential to not just knock on doors, but to push them open.
So, do you think like a loser? Don’t worry about it because – as we’ve demonstrated – this is not a fixed state. No ‘you’ is a complete ‘you’ unless you want it to be. Thankfully, there’s always something you can do to get out of a loser-mindset.
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Loser – I guess it depends how you define “loss.” But as your post indicates, loss, however meekly defined – might not even be part of the think-like-loser package. Maybe think-like-losers decide to think that way only because they’re unaware of the loss they’re creating for themselves – it remains invisible (to them).
Be it as it may, it being Martin Luther King Jr day: “Accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope”. – Martin Luther King.
People are losers only once they lose hope.
I loved your Martin Luther King quote, Beat. I think it’s excellent to define the topic of loser-thinking. Losing hope in the world, in people and in yourself puts you in loser-mode. Problems WILL always be there in our lives. Being in a positive mindset will show us that we have enough experience to deal with them.
Anne recently posted..DIY Accidents That Make You Look Dumb
Dear Anne –
I think we all go through periods of riding high and everything is great and then his a slump.
In my experience is when you try three things in a row and they all fail.
It’s hard to get up. You are sure you have lost the touch.
Nice to have your inspiring article. I think we should all read it every day..
Corinne Edwards recently posted..HOW TO WRITE A NOVEL – from Write Your Book – Publish Your Book – Promote Your Book
Thanks for your kind comment, Corinne. It’s true that problems here and there don’t normally knock us for six. You’re right in saying that hit after hit can really get us down – sometimes permanently. This can only be combated with power from within, the power that we get from the right mindset. As a Christian, I also believe that there is nothing greater than God, therefore, there is nothing that He cannot fix.
Hi Anne,
Really good post. A lot of the problem is comparing. Everyone compares themselves to that person with the bigger house, faster car or better career. They automatically think “they are obviously doing something better than I am”.
I’m thankful that about 3 years ago (after years of self-sabotage) that I realized I’m work in progress, life is the learning journey and I love it.
I now never focus on others success, just my own!
Naomi
Naomi recently posted..7 Easy Ways to Think Creatively for Your Business
Well said, Naomi. Focusing on others and comparing ourselves with other people is one definite way to start thinking like a loser. We can always improve ourselves and be a better ‘us’. Like you said, we’re all a work in progress. Growing is building up. Comparing is tearing down. We all tend to fall into the tearing down stage at one point or another.
Anne,
I like to think I DON’T think like a loser.
I’m always striving to be better and improving myself. Of course, sometimes mistakes are made but I don’t dwell on the past. I think ‘ah well’ and carry on.
Andrew
Andrew recently posted..9 Reasons Why Your Website Will Never Make Money
Exactly the way to be. We have to learn to be kinder to ourselves. We bad-talk ourselves (to ourselves) so much that we begin to believe what we’re saying.
The ‘Ah Well’ and carry-on attitude is a great one to have because it shows that we believe we CAN do (and achieve) more than the sum of our mistakes.
Hi Anne,
Corinne mention when it comes to lossing that the 3 hits are hard to get by. When i have the 3 hits come I always say, “Thank you God we have that out of the way.” many times things to come in 3’s, so I am always happy to see that last 3.
Naomi talks about comparing. When i have compared I always compare to family and friends. When I was a single parent and had a quarter to my name (Not Kidding) and a sister with a big house lots of money, but she had no kids I knew that I was much richer than her, because I had love and 3 beautiful daughter and money can never by that.
In the end my thought on a losser is really a person that does not know how to give or receive love.
When you make a mistake one day there is alway a new day waiting for you. Learn by those mistakes and do as Andrew says, Oh, well and care on.
As you say Anne,” It takes more than one light to brighten up a room. ” Everyone has something to offer and when we realize that our light is as important as someone elses light and we may even beable to help there light shine brighter we are in a good place.
Thanks for sharing the importance of not thinking like a losser. We all have our branch on the tree of life. Don’t let the wind break it off.
Debbie
Debbie recently posted..A Mothers Worst Nightmare
Definitely, Debbie. We’re all in this together – the entire human race – and we all can play our important part if we’re prepared to. We can each decide to do our individual important bit rather than compare our role with someone else’s.
There are so many stars in the sky. They ALL light up the night sky. But it only takes a second glance to see them all in their individual glory.
Anne recently posted..How To Lay Carpet Tiles
Hi Anne,
First time on your site. Very creative. Monsters in the closer is a perfect analogy of how our thinking can radically affect us now, as adults, to think down on ourselves. It’s got to change!
I also appreciate the challenge you gave us to write down some things to find out why we’re not confident. Sometimes we’re so busy we just flat-out never take the time.
Thanks for the monster challenge,
Robb
Robb Gorringe recently posted..4 Reasons why I use the excuse “I’m too busy!”
Hi Robb, glad you could stop by. I hope you found the site insightful and helpful. Please do stop by again. I hope I can challenge you a little more 🙂
Hi Anne,
It is a very encouraging article, and I like the central idea, which is that „everything depends on us”. I entirely agree with it and I do believe that there are no „bad things”, but there is only our bad attitude. So, keep positive and fight for your place in the sun!
Jack recently posted..Wimbledon Aftermath – Bookmakers Count Their Losses
Hi Anne,
An interesting approach to the never ending “loser” dilemma. Are you loser? Are you a winner?. You nail it when mentioning the mind. It’s all in in our heads. Our thoughts trigger our action, attitude and behavior. A good way to erase the “loser” tag is to simply trust our intuition and hear more.
Pillow recently posted..England Gets Ready For The World Cup 2014 in Brazil
Hi Anne,
First time on your site. Very creative. Monsters in the closer is a perfect analogy of how our thinking can radically affect us now, as adults, to think down on ourselves. It’s got to change!
electronique pratique recently posted..Montage d’un Diviseur De Tension – Montage Électronique
Thank you. I hope that you can find many more articles that pique your interest on this site. Thanks for your visit and please come again.
Anne recently posted..How To Lay Carpet Tiles
I personally know people with great talent and personality, unable to achieve something just because of a self-destructive mindset.
Hi, the final of this content is perfect :”So, do you think like a loser? Don’t worry about it because – as we’ve demonstrated – this is not a fixed state.” Thanks a lot is it possible to convert this content to my language (TR) for publish on my blog. Thank you.
omer aksoy recently posted..Dünyanın En Zor Mesleği: Operasyon Müdürü
Hi Anne,
This is my first visit on your blog and really impressed!!! 🙂
Nice post, very inspirational article you have posted i found this article very helpful for me yup almost we all have negative thoughts that compel us to compare oneself with other, Which is wrong sign and put a wrong impact on our mind, due to this we found ourself a loser. We just need to get from negative thought and trying to be poswitive all time.
Thanks for sharing.
Keep posting
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Hi Anne, I love the turn on the head opening 🙂
i think a good way of looking at this is by asking yourself, how am I losing out here?
Do your thoughts, feelings, behaviours cause you to lose out? This is a very good starting point for us all, I think. Sometimes the transition is a lot harder than the realisation, and the journey takes a lot of love and a lot of Grace.
Thanks for sharing – shalom.
Achama U (On the Road to Healing) recently posted..Understanding how the Covenant name of God brings Deliverance
Hi Anne,
First time on your site. Very creative. Monsters in the closer is a perfect analogy of how our thinking can radically affect us now, as adults, to think down on ourselves. It’s got to change!
I also appreciate the challenge you gave us to write down some things to find out why we’re not confident. Sometimes we’re so busy we just flat-out never take the time.
Thanks for the monster challenge,
Robb
Robb Gorringe recently posted..4
Great blog inspiring and simplistic
Inspiring blog thank you
Hi anne,
i know that i am not a loser.i am good in my work & im satisfied with my self. You define the loser in better way.I get great idea by reading this.
Dekh zara recently posted..One eye baby born in israil
First time on you website. Nice website and good work by you on improving life. I think biggest problem is contentment. If one is content with whatever s/he has, life will be smooth. Thats why I liked the idea that everything depends on us.
thanks alot for sharing such a nice post
thank you for your work