Who determines your confidence? Who decides if you have self-confidence and what the level of it is? Who’s in charge of how you feel about yourself, how confidently you live your life or how able you are to achieve your goals? Is it you or others? If you’ve been allowing others to say things or do things to yo-yo your confidence you need to stop and read this story!
Who determines your confidence
As my family and I were driving home from worship last Sunday, my daughters decided they were going to take away man points from my husband (their dad) because of an arbitrary observation they’d made. My husband wasn’t at any time worried about losing man-points to his daughters. In fact, he told them that he was positive that their judgement of his manliness had nothing to do with reality. However, the girls had made up their mind. They reckoned that out of a possible 10 man-points, their dad had lost 4 for what he did.
What did he do to lose 4 points off his entire worth? He’s made some mixed CDs to play in the car on his way to work, and on one if them he’d included Madonna’s ‘Like A Prayer’. ‘Let’s see how many more man points you can lose before we get home, Dad!’ They said to him. ‘Let’s see if you can lose all your man-points.’
Why was this observation was never going to be applicable
- I’m the only person that his supposed ‘man-points should’ve meant anything to
- If there were man-points to be given out, the girls were in no way qualified to make that judgement as to who received them.
- The reason for the deduction of ‘man-points’ or worth was arbitrary. It was randomly made up by two bored girls.
- Man-points mean very little in the wider scheme of things. My husband is a great dad and husband. He’s intelligent, has a very good job, and wins awards in cricket each season (plus he plays a mean game of football).
Are you allowing people to determine your confidence?
How we allow people to determine our confidence
- We allow what they do to us to affect us way into the future. If someone once told you you could never be promoted and you still think you can’t, you’ve allowed them to determine your confidence.
- We sit on our hands because we think they’re better than us. We won’t dare speak or attempt to do anything for which they could judge our ability.
- We’re scared of how they’d react if we gave our viewpoint when it’s opposite to what they think. We’ve allowed them to rob us of our voice and even our thoughts because we’re afraid our thoughts are wrong if we know they won’t agree.
How to take control and determine your confidence
Work out the people in your life who matter to you. Only their opinions matter. If they’re pulling you down, they’ve lost this privilege. Remember that you’re allowing their opinions to matter to you. If they’re not constructive in their criticism and are just pulling you down, take back the privilege. It’s yours to give. It’s yours to retract.
Work out if the people judging your confidence have any qualifications to do so. For example, do they know you well. Do they know of your struggle. Do they know where you’ve come from and how far you’ve travelled in your life. How about their own lives – are they portraying what they’re preaching to you in their own lives?
Work out how meaningful the criticism is. In the story, my girls were just bored and made up the rules as they went along. Are you sacrificing and voluntarily releasing your self-confidence to people who’re just bored, out to get you, not even paying attention to what they’re doing, just out to have some fun etc. The next time you become upset and lose face or confidence over something someone has said or done to you, ask yourself why.
Why are you allowing your valuable self-confidence to stumble over something someone said just for fun.
Work out how well you do in the other parts of your life. Okay, you may not have good leadership skills and someone told you so. However, how important is this to your overall life skills? Surely, you can learn leadership skills! Even if you don’t want to do so, your life has so long led you down various paths. You’ve developed a lot of skills that may mean you don’t need good leadership skills. You may never need it in your job. You may be so charming, people follow you anyway.
Besides, if we all had leadership skills who would do the important behind-the-scenes work? Radiographers, costume designers, music, film and book editors, script writers, architects, examiners, website designers, bloggers etc, all do important behind-the scenes work that will never require leadership skills.
So who determines your confidence? Is it you or others? How can you take back some of that power you’ve given away to them? Please share your thoughts and tips in the comment section below. Thank you.