Get past your past will show you there’s more to living than citing your upbringing for your lack of confidence. Getting past your past may not be something you do automatically or indeed, easily. Many people hold onto their past like a dirty, comfort blanket. They refuse to let it go because they’re scared to strip the baggage away to see what’s left of who they really are. Of course, letting go can be extremely difficult, but dirty things, if kept close can infect you will all sorts of germs. Some of those are bacteria which, when full-blown, can cause death or lasting damage. In order to get past your past you’ve got to be willing to drop some of the dirty, heavy bits weighing you down. You’ve allowed too much to collect on your shoulders. Get ready to lighten up your load because here are 3 very basic ways to get you on the road towards getting past your past and build your confidence for the future.
Get past your past: 3 ways to help you do it
Get past you past by going back there
No, I’m not suggesting you regress to your past. I’m suggesting an easier and more workable alternative. Think about the event in your past which has caused you the most heartache. You don’t have to dwell on it, just call it to mind. Now, think of ways in which that negative experience has affected you positively. In my case, the physical and emotional abuse I suffered made me realise how totally helpless and alone this makes a child feel. I was able to be a more caring mother because of it. I’m acutely aware of how desperate kids can feel. I’m also very in-tuned of other people’s vibes, and can tell instantly when people are hurting or suffering. My sixth sense has been sharpened because of overuse. I had to learn how to ‘feel’ the air so I could ‘keep my head down’ when my grandmother was building up to a very bad beating mood. I could almost tell the minute she’d make me bring the beating wood.
I consider my ‘gifts’ positive outcomes to negative situations. I’m now able to help other people in need because of it. Once you pick out even 1 positive outcome from your bad experience you’ll start to look at it in a different light. Each time it affects you negatively, you can call to mind the ‘positive outcome’ it has led to. This will definitely help you heal; help you to let go and build up your confidence; and will certainly help you get past your past gradually. Iron out the negative by imposing a positive attribute onto the memory.
Get past your past by re-drawing the new you
Get yourself a piece of paper and write down 2 negative things you’ll never do in the future because of your past. There are elements of your personality you love and are confident about. The people who care about you describe you with words you always add to the list of things you like or admire about yourself. These are things which you’ve used to boost your confidence in the past. Letting go of your negative past is largely about embracing your new and better future. There’s no need to keep negative things that happened to you a secret. Most people have things they’d rather forget, but bearing them in your mind as secrets you hold close to you is NOT the way to get rid of a memory. Yet, so many people choose this option. Are you one of them? If you had a box of chocolates someone told you to get rid of today, would you go home and hide it under your mattress? Why do the same with bad memories? Most times negative things in our past show us a picture of what we don’t want to become.
As a little girl I was sent to grubby bars to buy cheap cigarettes for my grandmother. When the money ran out, I was made to go to the night watchman across the road to beg for some free ones. This made me feel wretched and the bars made my hair smell bad. I promised myself I would never smoke when I grew up. I never have. Write down 2 negative things you’ve never done because of your bad experiences. A guy I knew said he developed his kindness and care for women because he saw how badly his father beat his own mother, and the sadness it brought her. Your past has made you sensitive to some negative things in your life. It has made you determined not to commit the same mistakes and has made you a better person in some very direct ways. Highlight these qualities because they may not have been there save for your past. They can be the very things that help you let go, get past your past and build the confidence you deserve.
Get past your past by hailing the outcome for others around you
In the last paragraph we talked about the aspect of your personality you had the confidence to enhance because of that something in your past. That element of your character has developed – maybe more than others you possess – because of that thing you’ve been fighting to let go all your life. Hopefully, you’re not trying to let it go by holding it as the closest secret to your heart. This same element of your personality which has been worked and worked and built up, is probably the part of you used most to help others. Identify it and write it down. It’s good to write it down because you can always come back and refer to it when you’re feeling less confident about your abilities.
We’ve always maintained on this blog that doing for others is what makes us build confidence in ourselves. You’ve been doing for others for years. And you’ve used the strongest part of you – that part your past has given you – to do so. That’s an achievement! When you think about how bad your past was, think of how much of it you’re using to build the person you are now. But most importantly, think of how much of it you’re using to fulfil the needs of the people you love and others around you, and you won’t feel so bad about it.
Get past your past: conclusion
Getting past your past is a road you have to take in steps. Like building confidence, it’s a journey, not a destination. Doing these 3 exercise above will help get you on that road to getting over and letting go. You have to leave your hands free to grasp hold of that future you want. You won’t have any hands free if you’re so busy holding on tightly to that past of yours. Let go. Let yourself start here. And while you’re learning to get past your past, learn also how to build confidence so you can achieve the dreams you’ve always kept hidden because you thought they were out of your reach. Well, now they’re not. Go to our building confidence aides page and you’ll find some products to help you on your way.
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