What does confidence and forgiveness have in common? At first glance they seem to be miles apart, but if you look closely you’ll find that forgiveness has a large part to play where your confidence is concerned.  A lot of people live their lives in the shadow of what happened in their childhoods, in their past, with their exes, with their schoolmates etc. 

They can’t perform to the best of their abilities because they can still remember what their parents didn’t do to help them thrive. They can still remember the bullies at school and how they told them they would amount to nothing: they were too fat or too unattractive to achieve their goals – too short to amount to anything, or too tall to be accepted by their more ‘normal’ peers.

Forgiveness frees you from captivity

Not forgiving holds you captive to all the thoughts associated with feelings you had while being bullied. See how thoughts and feelings collide to strip you of confidence. The longer you hold onto the things ‘they’ did to make you feel useless and the things they said you couldn’t do, is the longer you’re stuck unable to do them. Free yourself from this captivity of inactivity by deciding to forgive. Once you do this you can make your own thoughts, your own goals, your own plans on how to live your life by your terms – not by the way others have designed for you. 

Forgiveness returns the power to you

Letting go of bad feelings about someone returns the power to you. The power is in their court for as long as you’re allowing them to direct your goals, your life your confidence your thoughts. They said you couldn’t, so you don’t. They said you’re not good enough and you’ve held onto that thought and by it, made yourself not good enough.

Holding onto the way they’ve dictated for you to live hands over the power of self to them. It may feel as though you’re relinquishing your hold when you let go and forgive, but you’re actually doing the opposite. It takes bravery to let go of trauma and bad feelings, but when you decide to do just that you’re returning your power to you. Remember that your feelings are yours. People who hurt you are gone. Some don’t even remember or think about what they’ve done to you. The suffering of the situation is only felt by you. The power to give it up and get past your past also lies with you.

Forgiveness is peace

Forgiveness brings peace, and peace brings clarity. Harbouring negative thoughts about someone doesn’t hurt them in the least. The only person who gets hurt from negative thoughts is you. This impacts on what you can achieve in your life. Most importantly, it impacts on what you believe you can achieve in life. Your confidence is affected tremendously if you – of all people – don’t believe in yourself.

Having peace in your life (after letting go) brings you clarity of judgement and thought. Never underestimate what your mind is capable of.  If they said you couldn’t, forgiving them will leave your mind clear to think you can.

Confidence and forgiveness go hand in hand. Forgive others and learn to forgive yourself to see where this new found freeness of mind can take you. Give yourself the permission to shake off the thoughts that hold you down and fly to reach your full potential. 

Please share your thoughts on confidence and forgiveness.

 

66 Responses to “Confidence And Forgiveness”

  1. Brian Couch says:

    Confidence and forgiveness is one of the positive attitude that I can say that if you have this you will surely achieve your goal and you will be a successful in everything that you want to achieve.
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    • Anne says:

      Thanks for your comment, Brian. And yes these two elements are both positive traits that will help us get to where we want to be. I don’t think that we can get there without them.
      Anne recently posted..How To Paint WoodMy Profile

  2. Confidence provides you with a better way of thinking And Forgiveness provides you with better thoughts.

  3. Hiten says:

    Hi Anne,

    I think you covered the connection between forgiveness and confidence wonderfully. You’re spot on. They are both connected.

    Sometimes forgiving people for past hurts can be so difficult. However, one needs to truly appreciate that by forgiving they are healing themselves and creating peace. One will also increase her/his confidence in being able to deal with difficult situations in life, as the individual knows they now have the capacity to forgive.

    Thank you.
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    • Anne says:

      Thank you, Hiten.
      And yes, forgiveness is not an easy thing to achieve, neither is confidence. They take a lot of strength and courage – elements we have had to build up over a period of time.

      We have to forgive to heal, and importantly, we also have to learn to forgive ourselves before moving forward.

  4. techiwebi says:

    According to me Confidence and Forgiveness is totally different things because forgiveness is comes when we have to forgive any guilt means wrong thing is done firstly and confidence is not come in that way at all .Ya but it is right when both comes together in one person than it is very good.
    Forgiveness returns the power to you is absolutely right according to me because when we forgive someone we feel that we free from the captivity and stress.

    • Anne says:

      They are different things, but the point of the post is to draw attention to the fact that when they come together they’re a powerful, character-building mixture to help us achieve our goals.

  5. Tom Casano says:

    I love this post, thank you so much for sharing Anne! Forgiveness has been very powerful in my life. 🙂

  6. Ali kholi from Fivestar says:

    Forgiveness have has always that positive effect in our life , It’s really important to build our confidence
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  7. WONDERFUL POST ANNE! I’ve been dealing with this very subject in my personal life and I’ve realized how forgiving those who’ve done me wrong and letting go of my past, had freed me from what was holding me back, which was ME.

    Like you said, we have the power to forgive. But if we don’t use it, it only hurts us, not the people we didn’t forgive. I’ve been reading “First Steps To Wealth” by Dani Johnson lately, and she talks about how choosing NOT to forgive is the same thing as CHOOSING to NOT live your best life. And its so true because by not forgiving, we lose our peace and our power and without those 2, it is impossible to prosper and live our best life.

    ONCE AGAIN, GREAT POST ANNE.
    BLESSINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Anne says:

      I liked the way you expressed that, Maurice. If we don’t use the power of forgiveness it only hurts us.
      Thanks for bringing that book to our attention. It sounds like a great one to read.

      Glad you could stop by. Always appreciate your input.

  8. Hi Anne!

    Great topic! Forgiveness is so important. It may be difficult to do sometimes, but being mindful of this is the first step. Working towards it does help live a peaceful life.

    I like to go by the old saying “I can Forgive, but may not forget.” lol When we truly forgive from our hearts, we free ourselves from negative energy.

    I’ve done it myself through a divorce, and it is so much better than holding on to angry negative energy.

    Great post and I am happy you brought up this subject.

    Donna
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    • Anne says:

      Thanks for the visit and the comment, Donna. Much appreciated. I guess ‘forgetting’ can only come with time. We can forget the hurt if we try hard enough. After all, bringing it up again and again only makes the wound fresh each time – even if we’re just doing this in our minds.

  9. samex4rill says:

    Forgiveness is what keeps the world going today because if God dont forgive humans for our crimes and sins this world would have perished long time ago.

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  10. If you are brave enough to forgive, you are brave enough to stand for your self. Great post mam 🙂

  11. Kamlesh from MP PET 2013 says:

    Really nice info 🙂 i was in depression due to some Problems,peoples,things,..etc but this article infact the whole site is confidence booster. Thanks , a lot. Keep it up!!
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  12. Morshed says:

    Confidence and forgiveness are the two important things in our life.If we want to achieve our goals there are no alternatives of confidence.On the other hand forgiveness is a great noble virtue.If we didn’t the mistakes of others everything will be a mess.Punishment must be needed but we should forgive the small offense.If we can acquire the two virtue in our life,the success will knock our door.
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  13. krizna says:

    i feel god in myself when i forgive . you are absolutely right Anne, it gives you the peace , returns your power .
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  14. Brian Lucas says:

    I’ve never thought of the 2 being connected. The issue may be finding those that we don’t know we haven’t forgiven, the ones hidden in our mind. I’m sure there are some unresolved relationships, and I’ve never considered finding them and forgiving them as a means to build more confidence. Thanks for your post!

  15. Sumit Arora says:

    Best Part about Forgiveness is that it makes you a better person.

  16. Marquita Herald says:

    Inspiring message as always Anne. It may seem simplistic to say that forgiveness is a choice, but I remember several years ago attending a group therapy session for adult children of alcoholics. I was stunned to see the anguish and pain these people had carried into adulthood – and continued to haul around with them each and every day. As bad as I felt for them, I confess it made me feel pretty darn good that I’d long ago made peace with my own past.

    • Anne says:

      Hi Marty, It’s really mind boggling how some people manage to haul trauma into their adulthood and others manage to drop (sometimes worse trauma) and continue with their lives.
      I wish I knew what makes one group behave in that way, and the other, in the next. I think if we knew that we would be able to help a lot more people to drop their own baggages.

      Yes, it does make you feel good to know that you’ve been able to deal with, and come to terms with your own past. Thanks for dropping by.

  17. Raja says:

    I truly believe, Confidence and forgiveness are interrelated. If you are confident enough on anything then you can automatically forgive the rest.
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  18. Joane says:

    Very inspiring. One thing that is really hard to do in our live is forgiveness. So be proud to yourself if you are forgiving people after a bad thing they done to you.
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  19. Movers says:

    Hi Ann, I have read your post and didn’t really agreed with you but after thinking a little about that, I started understanding what you mean, that forgiveness and confidence are hand in hand, because if you are not confidence in yourself how can you really forgive others, which means you have to be confident in yourself before you can start forgiving, I guess the first step is the hardest one to start the ball rolling.

  20. Takes a lot of confidence to forgive someone that has wronged you. Some may see it as weak and I suppose in certain situations it probably is but generally speaking this article hits the nail right on the head.

  21. Gkc says:

    The way I see this is if you are confident then you dont worry about those small things that may have bothered you before when you were not so confident.
    However the conclusion remains same: Forgiveness feels good.

  22. My father told me when I was young that you become what you hate. Practicing forgiveness isn’t really about releasing the other person, but about releasing yourself.

  23. Speaking of the adage “Forgive and forget”, I think people sometimes confuse those two things.

    Forgiving is understanding and letting go, and it frees you.

    On the other hand, forgetting is not always wise, for the other person might repeat their unwanted behavior — so you must see to avoiding this, either by distancing yourself from that person, or by taking steps to not let them misbehave or force the effects of this misbehaving on you again.
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  24. Nimy says:

    Really nice post there.. It make me feel like i can start to forgiving who are make my life miserable in the past.. Thanks agains for such wonderful writing..

  25. Jawad from WritingMyDestiny says:

    Great post Anne.

    I believe you can not truly forgive anyone unless you’re confident.

    Its a direct relationship. Letting things go and moving on takes a big heart and a confident personality. It cannot be the other way around
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  26. Sometimes you just have to learn to let things go. Hurt may occur but happiness comes from treating those how you want to be treated. One of the best ways to live happy is to forgive and forget, and if they do it again, forgive and forget. We are all human.

  27. As Jesus said, I will forgive whom I forgive, but for you, it is required that you forgive all. I think the best type of forgiveness comes from the heart. Sure, pain is there but joy will follow shortly. I try to forgive everyone when they wrong me because I want to be forgiven when I do something wrong.

  28. Medic Mike says:

    Hi Anne,

    Working in the medical field I have seen first hand how confidence can change a persons perspective in a split second. I have seen meek individuals who when faced with very life threatening dangers do incredible things because within that split second they developed confidence in themselves to do what they had to.
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  29. Ra-nesh from freedom says:

    That was a refreshing post Anne. What most people don’t realize is that is that holding onto unforgiveness affects only them and not the person or people they hold that unforgiveness against. Unforgiveness is not just an emotional state that robs one’s peace and joy. If it’s not nipped in the bud, it can turn into bitterness and then manifest into sickness in the body…. even cancer. I sincerely hope those who read your article will take heed and somehow deal with any unforgiveness that they might have in their hearts towards others for their own sake. So that they can be set free and experience true peace, joy and happiness which will also result in a brand new level of self-confidence and confidence in others.

    Unforgiveness is also something that holds people back from experiencing success, prosperity and ultimately true & complete freedom in all parts of their lives.

    I’ve been at that place of unforgiveness at one point in my life. It’s easy to try and pretend that you’ve released forgiveness when you really haven’t. Looking back from where I am now, I am glad I let go…. and truly released complete forgiveness towards those who needed it. It was only after I did that, did I start experiencing true peace, joy, happiness and prosperity as a result of a changed,renewed, refreshed… pretty much a brand new mindset. Almost a feeling of being brand new! 🙂

    Great post Anne. I am sure it will help many experience something new in their lives.
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  30. Dan-O says:

    Definitely, any time you are holding a grudge it is a block.

    It indicates that you feel like someone or something is holding you back from getting something you want.

    The truth is that in any given moment, you have all kinds of options.

    If you have the confidence to forgive and move on, then you can act on what is most exciting to you and follow your real joy.
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  31. Emily from sailing says:

    A very close friend of mine in his 50’s was sexually abused by his uncle and several priests repeatedly when he was a teenager. As a young adult my friend was very angry and felt very victimized. However, when he was in his early 30’s he went through an amazing transformation. Out of the blue he began to forgive all his abusers. Over time he lost his anger and stopped feeling like a victim. I was stunned, because I couldn’t imagine forgiving such horrible beasts. But he let them off the hook and suddenly his own life opened up. Your article is right on the mark.
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  32. Forgiveness is the hardest thing sometimes. Being someone on the receiving side of forgiveness, I know that it is not always easy, but really does make both people happier on so many levels. Thanks for the post!

  33. Josie from mindgawker says:

    Forgiveness and Confidence are but a whit apart. I feel it’s important to remember to forgive ourselves. We are not perfect and we should not expect to be. If we keep that in mind our confidence can grow but leaps and bounds. Thank you for the wonderful post!
    Josie recently posted..5 Amazing Feats of Ancient Engineering (Infographic)My Profile

  34. Wandering Thought says:

    Forgiveness is a good thing and some times, you have no other choice but to forgive and it has nothing to do with forget either.

    Hope things are going well for you and your family in LA..

  35. Awesome post Anne,
    Many people are not getting job because of lack of confidence and many people live on the earth with out peace because lack of forgiveness.I love this point “Forgiveness returns the power to you” and thanks for teach a lot about forgiveness.

  36. Forgiving yourself means that you recognize that you are not perfect. If you don’t forgive yourself for the past or whatever else it may be, it almost seems like an act of violence towards yourself. I believe that if people think of it this way it might be easier to forgive themselves.
    Sarah Li Cain recently posted..Can We Really Trust Our Own Judgement?My Profile

  37. Tony Young says:

    Anne, this is a good post. As working in media, if you have no confidence, you will have no work to do.

    tony

  38. Amber Moore says:

    I just found your site and I have to say it is Amazing! I really like this article about forgiveness. What most dont realize is that forgiving someone else, is actually setting yourself free of anger and resentment. I like your saying “forgiveness is peace” it really is true. Thank you for the advice. Have a great day!

    • Anne says:

      I’m glad you like the site, Amber. I hope that you’ve found what you were looking for. Please let me know if you’re looking for anything in particular so I can point you in the right direction.

  39. It means that you like someone holding you back from getting something Many people have lack of confidence and many people on the earth with out peace because lack of forgiveness. Forgiveness is a great virtue which I learn from this site
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  40. What a wonderful piece of information Admiring the time and effort you put into your blog and detailed information you offer! I will bookmark your blog and have my children check up here often.
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  41. Darrell says:

    Confidence is having faith within someone. Self-confidence is trusting you have what it takes to take care of whatever happens. You feel certain of yourself and enjoy attempting new things, without allowing doubts or fears maintain you back.

  42. Robi says:

    Forgiveness help us to release things that have been weighing both your mind and your heart. Even though it takes time, to forgive is about to gain peace for yourself.

  43. Sarah says:

    Is it bad to with hold forgiveness?? Some people do such hurtful things to you sometimes that its really hard to forgive. And also please tell me this; in spite of saying to someone that i forgive you, yet having this thought ” how could he do this to me??” wouldn’t that mean that only by words i have forgiven and not by my heart. And what do i do if this thought mentioned above, no matter how hard i try doesn’t go? how do i forgive that person then??

    • Anne says:

      Hi Sarah, I think with holding forgiveness is a negative thing to do because as I said in the article, the person you refuse to forgive will go on with their lives while you fester in the negativity of unforgiveness and agitation. All this will do is aggravate your soul and cause you to become ill.

      Even if you truly forgive someone, you may still not be able to accept what they’ve done to you. This does not necessarily mean you haven’t forgiven them from the heart. Acceptance takes longer than forgiveness.

      Forgiveness is a concious decision. Acceptance is more of a ‘time healing’ thing. You have to find some place in your heart to realise that you can’t change what has happened. Also (importantly) you had no part to play in what that person did to you. That mistake was all theirs – not yours. It’s not yours to bear so stop bearing it (and suffering from it).

      Forgive simply because YOU are the person with the power to do so. it’s all in your hands.

      • Sarah says:

        Anne, your just amazing 🙂 I had never felt so good in years.
        I have forgiven the person and that pain is now starting to heal. Though it took such a long time, just the fact that what has happened has happened and it cannot be changed makes me feel vulnerable to pain all over again. But now i realized that it is of no use to continually hold that thing in heart. Its about time that i let go, that i just let goo!! Thanks anne for being such a good person 🙂 please be in touch and let me know about your next post 🙂

        • Anne says:

          You’re welcome, Sarah – any time. Glad I could make a difference. If you subscribe to the blog or ‘like’ it on facebook you should be able to see when new posts come up. I usually post each week – on Thursdays normally.

  44. The power of forgiveness is one of the most greatest power in the universe, as a greek orthodox, the Priest consulted me to forgive and never critisize someone. The problem with forgiveness comes when your ego is reacting all the time and reminds you of the fact that you left an unfairness unpunished…How can someone overcome this obstacle?

    • Anne says:

      By realising that unforgiveness is NOT punishment for the guilty party. Unforgiveness is punishment for the person refusing to forgive, because it fills them with rage and unhappiness.

  45. Julia cora from Unblock says:

    No doubt forgiveness is peace, forgiveness frees you from captivity but forgiveness need strength. A weak person doesn’t have the power to forgive. Only strong people can forgive.
    Thank you for this lessonful post.

  46. Hi Anne

    Great explanation of forgiveness and confidence. I agree they do go hand in hand.

    A number of years ago I was sent a letter from someone that did a crime and he said that I needed to forgive for my well being and he went on to say that forgiving is not condoning or letting someone off the hook for what they did to you, it is all about healing yourself.

    People seem to want to carry the torch for transgressions against them and you never heal if you never forgive yourself for the anger and hatred you feel. It was a whole new perspective of what it does to the holder of the hurt.

    I don’t think we should ever forget bad things done to us, I believe it makes us more compassionate for others. But I have learned how to remember as an unattached observer. There is no living in that moment of hurt…it just happened and I know it was wrong, but I no longer have the overwhelming feelings or emotions attached to the experience.

    I read that not forgiving is like drinking the poison and hoping the other person dies.

    Mary
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    • Anne says:

      Hi Mary, I couldn’t have said it better myself. Thanks so much for sharing your story. I love the way you’ve explained forgiveness in your own life. This has made the article richer and more complete.

      Indeed, not forgiving is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies. What sane-thinking person would do that literally? Yet, we do so all the time when we refuse to forgive.

  47. Karen Hoyt says:

    Anne,
    I love the way you tied confidence and forgiveness together. It really does return the peace back into our lives when we can let go of the past.
    Unforgiveness can creep in and rob us of our power to enjoy today and move into our future.
    Thanks for sharing,
    Karen

    • Anne says:

      True. I’ve read somewhere that holding a grudge is like allowing someone to live rent-free in your mind. I wouldn’t want to do this because it gives that person so much power and influence in what’s going on in my life in the present. I’m allowing them to hurt me all over again.

  48. Confidence is having faith within someone. Self-confidence is trusting you have what it takes to take care of whatever happens.

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